Marriage isn’t always a fairy tale. Some days, it feels more like a reality show—love, laughter, and drama. Every marriage faces struggles, but when you build your relationship on biblical marriage principles, you can turn love-ish into a love that lasts.

Ephesians 5:22-33 lays out God’s design for marriage: husbands are called to love sacrificially, wives are called to respect and support, and both are challenged to live in unity. But how do you apply that in the real world, where stress, miscommunication, and daily pressures creep in?

Love or and  Respect

Marriage works best when both partners give what the other needs most—love and respect. Ephesians 5:33 says, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Is this hard? Yes. But, this is the foundation of a strong marriage.

When love and respect are in sync, you create a space where intimacy and connection can elevate to their peak. But when either one gets unbalanced—when a husband withholds love or a wife withholds respect—the cycle breaks down and that’s where we get both frustration and resentment.

Everyone has a responsibility.

• Husbands–Love isn’t just about feelings; it’s about action. Show love through intentional words, physical touch, and acts of service. A simple “I appreciate you” or taking on a task she dreads speaks volumes.
• Wives–Respect isn’t about agreeing on everything; it’s about valuing his role and voice in the relationship. Encouragement, trust, and even small affirmations like “I believe in you” go a long way.
• When conflict arises, ask– “Am I responding in love and respect, or am I reacting out of frustration?” Reset the cycle with a choice to give what your spouse needs most.

Spouse, Savior, or “Soulmate”? (Only one is correct)

It’s easy to look to your spouse to fill every emotional, spiritual, and personal need. But the truth is, no human being can do that—only God can. When we expect our spouse to be our everything, we set them (and ourselves) up for disappointment.

Philippians 4:19 reminds us, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” This includes your emotional needs, peace, joy, and purpose.  This means none of these hinge on the expectation of a spouse!

• Before venting your frustrations to your spouse, bring them to God. A lot of what you expect our spouse to fix is something God wants to work in you first.
• Find your personal fulfillment in Christ. When both partners prioritize their walk with Jesus, they come together stronger.
• All spouses let us down sometimes, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection—it’s grace. Instead of expecting them to be your Savior, let them be your partner as you both pursue Christ together.

Fight (Fair) Together

Every couple fights. The question is: are you fighting against each other or for each other? Most marriages break down because one or both partners prioritize being right over being unified. But Ephesians 4:2-3 calls us to something higher: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Winning an argument but losing connection with your spouse isn’t a win at all. Real victory is found in unity, not in proving a point.

• Pause before you react. Ask yourself: Am I trying to win this argument, or am I trying to build our relationship?
• Keep a ‘we’ mindset instead of a ‘me’ mindset. It’s not you vs. your spouse—it’s both of you vs. the problem.
• Schedule regular “team meetings.” Don’t wait until there’s a problem to check in. Make time weekly or monthly to talk about your relationship, address small frustrations before they become big ones, and remind each other why you’re in this together.

Marriage isn’t about finding a perfect person—it’s about becoming the right person for the one you’ve chosen. Love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a daily choice to honor, respect, and serve one another, even when it’s hard. When you build your relationship on biblical marriage principles, you’ll find that love-ish can become love that lasts.