When most people think of the first family in the Bible—Adam and Eve—it’s easy to just think they had it made. No distractions, no problems, just them and God. But even in this perfect setup, things fell apart quickly. The reality is, no relationship is immune to challenges, conflict, and dysfunction—not even the ones in the Bible. Yet, despite these tensions, God consistently demonstrates how He can work miracles in people who trust Him enough to forgive.

Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.

One of the biggest things that shape the health of a relationship is how people communicate with each other. Proverbs 18:21 describes that, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Words can either build up or tear down what you’re trying to build.

Many of the problems within relationships come from poor communication—misunderstanding, unresolved hurt, and words spoken in anger or frustration. The truth is that even in the worst conflict, most people actually care deeply about each other, they just struggle on how to show it. This means that the way we speak to each other matters more than we often realize.

James 3:5-6 warns us about the destructive power of the tongue: “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body.” In moments of disagreement, someone has to be willing to intercept the anger and choose peace. Otherwise, unresolved tension can invite division and discord into our relationships.

How to Turn Things Around

If you want to change the dynamic of your relationships, you have to change how you communicate. Here are three ways to start:

1. Identify Who Is Who

• Stuffers—Some people tend to suppress their feelings and avoid conflict. If this is you, challenge yourself to speak up instead of shutting down.
• Shouters—Some people react emotionally and escalate situations with their words. If this is you, practice pausing before responding.
• Recognizing how you tend to respond can help you develop healthier ways to communicate.

2. Weigh Your Words

Words have weight, and certain phrases can cut deep. Avoid saying things like:

• “You always…” or “You never…”
• “I don’t love you anymore.”
• “You’re overreacting.”
• “You’re the reason I’m unhappy.”

Instead, speak positively into your relationships:

• “I appreciate you and all that you do.”
• “I’m grateful to be with you.”
• “I love and cherish you.”
• “Your feelings and thoughts matter to me.”

3. Calibrate Your Hearing

James 3:17 reminds us that “the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”

• Instead of assuming the worst, ask clarifying questions.
• Instead of reacting emotionally, take time to pray before responding.
• Instead of focusing on being right, focus on maintaining unity.

It Takes Courage to Turn Things Around

At the heart of every strong relationship is the ability to communicate well and extend forgiveness freely. If you want to see things change, start by asking, “God, what do You bless?” When you align your motives with God’s design and commit to speaking life into your relationships, you create a space for unity and something that lasts.